weigh-2-go.org

I am ashamed, but the open life of a blogger compels me to admit, that I broke my Attitude Adjustment Diet with pizza and beer on Friday night.

Of course the fundamental question is: Why?

I knew better, I just didn’t choose to act better. Why not?

I craved pleasure. I was unhappy. I wanted pizza and beer to help me feel happy.
(No excuse but an interesting side-note: the beer itself weakened my rational thinking.)

Did the pizza and beer make me happy? Yes, for a little while last evening.  No, today.
And the unhappiness today outweighs the happiness of last evening. It always does.
This is an old lesson that I keep forgetting. It is not a lesson that is hard-wired into my brain.
The old thinking keeps coming back, and what happens? Pizza and beer happen.
The rational thinking gets conveniently forgotten.

Three years ago, though, the rational thinking was easy.  Back then, I made the right decisions in the moment, and I got very healthy.
Why?

My motivations were different then. How?

When I’m in a foul, irrational and health-resistant mood, I turn to what I will now call my Attitude Adjustment Diet.

This diet is restrictive in that certain “bad” foods are completely prohibited. I talk to plenty of people who don’t restrict foods because it makes them feel deprived. But my answer to that is, I can eat as much as I want, any time I want, of the “good” foods. I rarely feel deprived because I can eat as much as I want.  I have theories about why this diet works for me, which I will write about later.

But let me back up a little. I started the Attitude Adjustment Diet because:

• My attitude needed adjusting–big time–and,
• I needed to quit some habits of eating foods that were sabotaging my desired weight loss, and
• I ate like a freak on Wednesday: granola bars (which I have decided are really pure evil), cookies, cake, and a huge tuna sandwich for lunch. The tuna sandwich wasn’t so bad for me, but it was big enough that I had no excuse of being hungry.

Here are my “good” foods. I think everybody’s “good” foods are a little different. For me, these are foods that I enjoy but they don’t elicit an obsessive reaction.  Example: I really enjoy celery, but it does not “call my name” when it sits in my crisper drawer.

• My favorite “good” fruits: pears, apples, peaches, nectarines, etc.; all fresh only
• My favorite “good” vegetables: celery, carrots (both great for snacking), anything green, squashes
• Legumes (except peanuts)
• Yogurt–the good probiotic kind without too much sugar
• Low-fat cheese
• Oats, plain and unsweetened
• Rice
• Lean meat and poultry
• All seafood

Here are my “bad” foods–the ones that call to me from the kitchen, even in the middle of the night. Can you hear them? “Nicki, we’re hee–ere!” they call. I reply, “Bad foods!” wagging a scolding finger. “Bad, bad foods!”

• Chocolate anything
• Granola,  granola bars, and all breakfast cereals
• Nuts and peanuts
• Dried fruit, including raisins
• Cookies and all their kin
• Bread, pastries, and all baked goods (i.e., wheat)
• Corn and especially corn (tortilla) chips
• Milk, cream, sour cream, cottage cheese and soft (fatty) cheeses

Oddly yet fortunately, I feel about the following foods the same way Rhett felt about Scarlett when he left. And so much the better for me.

• Pasta
• Potatoes
• Fruit-flavored candies
• Sodas
• Beer, wine, and liquor (a dirty gin martini is quite pleasant at about 6:15 pm on a weekday…but it doesn’t tempt me)

As of this writing, I have had one whole, good, almost pure day on the Attitude Adjustment Diet. And I didn’t even pig out on it (yet). But I still feel pissy about writing things down. Maybe that will change soon.

Well, joining Weight Watchers and doing Weight Watchers are separate undertakings, and I am proof. I signed up, I went to a great meeting, and I’m still eating like…oink, oink, oink.

Last week I posed the question, “How much did [I] change?” The answer, today, is “not much.” I am in a pissy* mood. I put my gym bag in the trunk today, but I’m so resistant to exercise that I let myself off the hook.  (What I did want to do is sit in a diner with my laptop, have salad, fruit, and tea, and blog.)

I am also still resistant to writing down what I eat (says the Elephant), which is silly (says the Rider (same link)) because I used to do it every day for months, and I know it is just not that painful.**  (Tomorrow, I will post what I’ve been eating–the bad and the good.)

The truth is, I’m just angry.

When I was losing weight, I was not angry. At least not like this.

Aha!  “How much had I changed?” What had I changed? I changed my anger. Later I will contemplate what I am angry about. Meanwhile, I am just pissy* and I acknowledge my pissiness* as part of the weight loss experience.

*Vulgar? If so, I regret it…somewhat…but the word is so accurately descriptive, I feel compelled to use it.

**Lyrics come to mind: “Turning back she just laughs / The boulevard is not that bad.” –Bernie Taupin & Elton John.

Yes, somehow I knew I’d be back. This evening I rejoined Weight Watchers.

Why? Weight Watchers was instrumental in my 80-pound effort of 2006-2007. In Weight Watchers I not only learned, but practiced, better nutrition than I have anywhere else. In Weight Watchers, I experienced the quantity of food I truly need to be healthy…and it is shockingly little compared to what I eat without any plan.

I will confirm my current weight on the official WW scales this weekend, but I estimate that I have 21 pounds to lose. That will get me to 135, which is actually below my lowest weight of the “modern” era, which was 138. That should also get me from a size 12 (my clothes are currently uncomfortable at 10) to a comfortable 6. Jeepers.

So now this blog should come in handy as I have some real challenges to contemplate.

It is interesting to me that everything that has happened since I first lost weight has been so predictable. In the Weight Watchers meetings I attended two years ago, so many people were on their second, or even third or fourth, membership. Many people who lose weight gain it back. The real question that determines the ultimate success of weight loss is not “How much did you lose?” but instead: “How much did you change?”  I’m about to see.